Tuesday 14 October 2014

6 Weeks in - South East Asia



Yesterday marked 6 weeks since we left England and it's hard to say that I have been missing home. Although Dubai, our first stop, was the entire opposite of dreary Stowmarket, the novelty of leaving home was present throughout. 

What we did manage to eat in the searing heat was amazing; authentic Pakistani food, shake-shake burgers and the best guacamole, all washed down with still lemonade.

Our first nights in Thailand were eye-opening. Bangkok lives up to the hype, Khoa San road was just as described on The Beach. There is always a horrible smell in the air wherever you go, a mixture of sewage, rancid eggs and cat piss.

We headed South as soon as we could; a night bus to Surattani to catch a boat to Ko Samui, an 18 hour journey which Noah had his passport stolen on. Despite the stress, we managed to have a good time on paradise island.


On Thursday 2nd October we arrived in Cambodia, noticeably different from Thailand because of poverty. We zoomed past shacks and shelters with anaemic looking cows tied to the building. Children with no shoes or shirts, playing in dirty lakes, yet everyone seems content.

The first thing we do in Siem Reap was the temples, a German named Michael from our dorm asked if we wanted to do the big circuit in a shared tuk-tuk, we agreed not knowing it would be a 10 hour day trip starting at 5AM. At the very last temple, I sat at the bottom and spoke to one of the locals selling temple rubbings. There are countless Cambodians at the temples selling useless things; bracelets, scarves, flutes. I always attempt to have a conversation with them - weed out information about their day, their families, not just how much they are selling a bottle of water for. 

The man selling the temple rubbings was Mr. Huon Sokheng, he spent all day trying to flog the art work to make money not just for his wife and three children, but also for the small English classes he ran for orphans. I know this wasn't a bogus story because later in the month I met his wife, three children and also the classes of the Helping Orphans and Arts Association (H.O.A).



Next was Phnom Penh, most vivid for me because of the cat cafe but also the killing fields and S21. I began the day ignorant of Cambodian history and ended having learnt so much, it was a very peaceful yet powerful experience that I will never forget.

Soon we made our way to the coast, Sihanoukville, no where near as luxurious as Ko Samui, but still an adventure, lemon ice tea included.

Now we are back in Siem Reap, teaching at H.O.A in the evenings as volunteers, soon to be travelling over to Vietnam.



Monday 30 June 2014

Elders Project – “Do not go quietly into that good night but instead rage against the dying of the light”

The following is a piece of writing that I had written for my last unit of A-Level Art, using the theme of Growth and Evolution - focusing on the elderly and mental decay. I feel that it is a window into the world of dementia and care work, I hope it as powerful and eye opening as I wanted it to be and I appreciate anyone taking the time to fully read and comprehend morals that I am trying to convey.


I have constructed an external piece of work from an internal connection of developing my own individual sense of age and growing older, this has been heavily influenced by my place of work and the people I have been fortunate enough to meet and learn about. I have decided to focus on the concept of nostalgia, personal memories and life achievements in relation to the theme of growth and development of individual’s lives, including exploring aspects of sentimentality and mental decay within humans.

I decided to examine and investigate these themes of the philosophy of age correlating to intimate details of individual’s lives at the care home that I currently work at because since working there I have been introduced to completely new style of viewing the world that we live in and how we spend our time here. I have been in contact with so many individuals and characters who are sadly affected by dementia in a variety of ways, their behaviour and mental states have inspired me to express my own thoughts and perspectives using a medium that I hope reaches out to others and highlights the heartache I at times experience.

Many of the residents that I work with have decaying memories, there are a handful of people who regularly forget they are a resident, living at the care home with their own room and have been so for a number of months or even years. During my teatime shifts, after clearing up and cleaning the dining rooms, there are a few of the residents who consistently ask questions such “When is the next bus home?” or “Can you let me out to my car?” - thinking that they have just finished a meal in a cafĂ©. One lady in particular who does this is Ellen, she regularly asks when the next bus to East Sheen is, a place in London she used to live. Carers repeatedly explain to Ellen that she has a room at the home and is to stay the night, and that there is no ‘bus to East Sheen from Stowmarket’. Ellen often becomes very distressed and confused, clarifying that she must return home to see her mother, unable to comprehend the situation.

Andy is also another resident who lingers around the main entrance, determined to leave. Andy often paces about near the windows, peering outside at the cars and then asking if he can be let outside to have a look at the cars and see which is his, of course none are. Andy is an individual that has been significantly aggressive in the past, demanding to let out to return home, he constantly pleads to staff that he “has a family to go to” and cannot understand why we are unable to let him out without one of his relatives. 

Seeing these people grow so distressed, delirious and so adamant on disheartens me and is something I find very saddening to see, it is sometimes visible to see their minds ticking over – their thought processes as they become more and more anxious and agitated.

Palliative or ‘End-of-life’ care is also a system that takes place at the home, many of the residents and their families decide that they want their relative to pass away peacefully at the home, whether that be with the aid of hospice nurses to administer the appropriate medication or also the staff who they know well and who care for them. This process highlights the philosophical theory of transience and entropy, theories of which focus on the gradual decline into disorder and stating how all is lasting for only a short time.

These ideas bring me to a quote that Rilke said regarding the impermanence of life and everything in it; “One day all of this is going to die, all these trees and all these plants, all this life is going to decay. Everything dissolves in meaningless.” This quote also relates to theories of entropy, hinting at how there is a sadness to ecstasy and happiness – that we love harder and squeeze harder, pretending that we don’t care that everything and everyone we know is going to be taken away from us.

I would like to end by recalling a quote from Dyan Thomas, of which has been one of the main hymns to my creative writing “I will not go quietly into that good night but instead will rage against the dying of the light” In my works I have altered the first few words slightly, changing it to “Do not”, as if to add a sense of guidance or advice in response to experience of working at the care home. This phrase conveys a strong meaning of not being passive to the world around us – to take every opportunity and make the most of the cards we have been dealt.

Life exists in individual moments and it is up to us to make sure they are vast, interconnected and grand, and these are sentiments that I have learnt through my own personal development, assisted by all the people in my life. Using Annie Chapman as an example, an individual who despite her dementia is still able to recall memories that have significant meaning to her, illustrating how important moments and meaningful events can be so symbolic that they are retained in the mind always.

Monday 23 June 2014

Half Nelson and Cinematography

After seeing that it got an 85/100 Metascore on IMDB, I had to give Half Nelson a go, it had always caught my eye but the Sky blurb dubbed it something that didn't particularly appeal to me, and by the way it has gone under the radar for 8 years seemed unjust to me.

Then again, those 'un-popular' films that no one really talks about are always the best, they're so different to the huge mainstream blockbusters that allow you to leave the cinema or turn the telly off thinking - that was cool - when really a film should leave you thinking about the inner personal impact that the film has affected you with.

Half Nelson concerns a teacher, Ryan Gosling, at an inner-city school. This film has immediate reflections of Ryan's other surprisingly very Indie film Drive - as well as having spectacular soundtracks, both films almost glorify certain lifestyles, holding a mirror up to society and saying 'this is us, this is what we're doing'. Whether they're illustrating mature themes of drug abuse or simply just volatile relationships, Indie films present our lives in ways that big budget blockbusters can't.

This film is a prime example of a piece of beautifully crafted cinematography that shows an audience the transformative power of cinema, how a film can awaken us and imprint itself on our conciousness simply through it's images and words.

I believe that films should cause us to lose ourselves and find ourselves and create cartography for the mind, and this film does just that.


Friday 16 May 2014

Flower Pressing


I have recently been working on flower pressing for my current A Level Art Unit, I am so pleased with the results - weeks and weeks of patience has finally paid off!

Specimens have carefully been layed onto scanner - 









Monday 28 April 2014

20 Films That Have Influenced Me

Pulp Fiction - Quentin Tarrintino -1994

Drugs, Dancing, and Samuel L. Jackson 

Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind - 2004

Jim Carrey plays a more serious role with Kate Winslet, beautifully crafted and forever quotable.

Moonrise Kingdom - Wes Anderson - 2012

Two young teenagers run away and survive on scout knowledge and young romance... for about 24 hours.

The Darjeeleeling Limited - Wes Aderson - 2007

Owen Wilson and Jason Schwartzman are back, and quirky and confusing as ever.

The Truman Show - 1998

Again, Jim Carey in a much more serious role but still with elements of humour. One of those films that will completely change your perspective on things. With an incredible crescendo of an ending.

Youth in Revolt - 2009

Had to include a Michael Cera classic! Cera at his possibly most awkward, but still handsomely awkward.

500 Days Of Summer - 2009

Before everybody fell in love with Zooey Deschannel, we watched some poor soul go through the motions, and that poor soul was Joseph Gorden-Levitt. Every 15-19 year old girl's dream.

Spirited Away - Hayao Miyazaki - 2001

Studio Ghibli do it again, an absolute gem, anime at it's best. Heart-warming and beautifully made.

Fight Club - 1999

Cult classic and definitely lives up the hoo-har, Brad Pitt is amazing, Helena Bonham Carter is amazing, the script is amazing and everyone on Earth needs to see this film. Plus Pixies TUNE at the end.

Catfish - 2010

Before the spin-off show! Regardless of your opinion of the MTV show, this film is so so so much better, the original, the real deal that is so niche and different. Stop watching MTV, also.

Django Unchained - 2012

Quentin Tarrintino bangs out another masterpiece, following suit to all his other creations; guns, blood and a lot of N-word use.

Her - 2013

I love Joaquin Phoenix I love Joaquin Phoenix I love Joaquin Phoenix and Scarlett Johansson's voice is to die for!

Rushmore - Wes Anderson - 1998

"I saved Latin, what did you ever do?" Jason Schwartzman still has braces and Bill Murray is starting to look old.

Juno - 2007

Ellen Page and Michael Cera and Kimya Dawson's lovely soundtrack

The Wolf of Wall Street - 2013

HOW DOES LEONARDO DICAPRIO NOT HAVE AN OSCAR???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, Jonah Hill looked FAB.

Black Swan - 2010

In my opinion should be rated much high in IMDB's top 250, as well as higher in many peoples opinions because this film is so captivating and unfortunately too many people only remember it for the Mila Kunis/Natalie Portman sex scene. Which is very unfair.

Donnie Darko - 2001

Another cult clasic, it's so difficult to distance yourself from the events and thesis' in the film from reality. Well worth watching, definitely not when high.

Howl's Moving Castle - Hayao Miyazaki - 2004

Another Studio Ghibli masterpiece, not enough people appreciate these kind of anime films.

American History X - 1998

So many people highly prized this film and I never understood how or why, until I properly sat down and watched it. Ed Norton does a brilliant job and my full respect and appreciation goes out to everything this film stands for and represents.

The Departed - 2006

Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Wahlberg AND Maaaaatttt Daaaamooooon! I think I need to see this again because there's still a few things that didn't make sense to me but despite that, it still stood out as an extremely cleverly crafted film.

Friday 25 April 2014

Creative Writing - Marianne's Journal

I don’t dream like I used to when I was with you. Since you’ve left, at night I endure only intense loneliness, pain so harrowing I feel like my chest will cave in and the only thing stopping it from crumbling is the gasps of air that I take between the tears.

I’ve been reminded endlessly that the red washing down the bathtub won’t change the colour of sea yet I still yearn to bask in the cloudy nebulous water that echoes the ocean – and to feel free.

It’s an embarrassment how too many people don’t understand that we are weak and fragile, that once people are broken in certain ways they can’t ever be fixed. It’s something they don’t tell you when you’re young and it never fails to surprise me as I grow older and see the people in my life break one by one. I’m beginning to wonder when my time is going to be, or has it already happened?


Uncounted times I would lay awake and visualize the stars above my head, wondering if somewhere else in the world you’re also thinking about the same cluster of bright lights, envious of how lucky they are to be so beautiful up there while everything down here is so ugly. The twinkling of the star light mimics the same ambiguous intensity as looking into your eyes, the simultaneous invasion of both vulnerability and safety – an oxymoron in your eyes, how clichĂ© – true opia with your pupils glittering at me, bottomless and opaque. Suspended in time, I couldn’t tell if I was looking in or looking out.

I never lied much, but one that really shamed me was how I convinced you of the only obsession everyone wants: to be in love. Because everyone thinks that falling in love makes them whole, the platonic union of souls, but the truth is it’s not like that. We were whole before it all began in the great scheme of things, then love fractured us and tore us apart.

It’s taken me so long to realise that each passer-by is living a life as vivid and complex as my own –populated with their own ambitions, routines and worries. An intricate story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might only appear once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blue of traffic passing on the motorway, as a lighted window at dusk. You used to be my sonder.

Even though time passes painfully slowly, the desire to hold on is still there, like trying to keep your grip on a rock in the middle of a river, feeling the weight of the current against your chest while your elders float on downstream, calling over the roar of the rapids, I mime the words to myself, no sound escapes my mouth.. “Just let go—it’s okay—let go.”


Yours truly, Marianne.


Tuesday 22 April 2014

Recent Image Creations

Experimenting



Above: Both my own images, an overlay of the view from Southworld Lighthouse and blossoming flowers in Stowmarket.






Above: My own image of bees in The Natural History Museum overlay with Bon Iver album Cover.





Above: My own image of found wasp overlay with found image of mountains.


Monday 21 April 2014

Zach Anner - Motivation Inspiration


We all (unfortunately) have those days, weeks and sometimes even months of subdued attitudes and outlooks to everyday life. It's normal for moods to ebb and flow, fluctuate and calm, but sometimes it can be overwhelming to find yourself feeling stuck in a rut of the same repetitive routine scattered with stress, anxiety and uncertainty.

From the last few weeks I have learnt that if and when you respect the vessel that propels you from A to B - you will be rewarded. You simply cannot treat old habits, outlooks and perspectives like your favourite jumper; it's a part of you but it's wearing thin at the elbows doesn't really fit any more but you just don't have the heart to throw it out. All that is required is an open mind and an open heart to allow the growth process to take effect.

Zach Anner is one of the most inspirational people I have ever seen and I am absolutely fascinated by his attitude and response to his disabling condition of cerebral palsy. Zach's youtube features videos such as Work Out Wednesdays - Zach puts so much effort into doing simple tasks like just getting out of his wheel chair or taking a few steps with little help, all whilst speaking words of motivation voiced through sarcasm and satire of his own condition.

"Don't focus on your limitations. Stevie Wonder was blind but did he ever write a song about it? No."


The underlying moral is as cheesy as it is - your outlook on today, tomorrow and even yesterday is crucial to attitude to everything you do. 


Monday 7 April 2014

The Grand Budapest Hotel - Wes Anderson

I finally got the chance to see Wes Anderson's latest quirky, cutesie, cinematic masterpiece and it definitely followed suit to the typical Wes Anderson style; beautiful scenes, an amazing script and complete with cameos especially for the hardcore Wes fans.



As per usual each and every scene was faultless, if not completely symmetrical then bloody close to it as possible, with the most gorgeous colour schemes!

The film was slightly different to the rest of Wes' collection due to the fact (the very, very very VERY lovely) Jude Law acted as sort of a narrator, for another narrator, narrator inception. Although, because of this, I think the story was a lot easier to grasp and also made it more mainstream so perhaps that factors into why The Grand Budapest Hotel was such bit hit in comparison to all of Wes Anderson's other films such as Moonrise Kingdom or The Darjeeleeing Limited.

And, my God did Ralph Fiennes did a brilliant job as part of the duo protagonist team, partnered with Tony Revolori with his hilariously skinny drawn-on moustache.


Jason Schartzman also made another appearance, along with Bill Murray (OF COURSE), Owen Wilson and Ed Norton as part of his regular cast. Willem Defoe also did a brilliant job, playing a character slightly reminiscent of his green goblin days - a bit evil and menacing. 

The film was rather fast paced, I think it could have done with maybe another half an hour, spaced things out a bit more, but all in all it was bloody phenomenal.

From watching Wes' films, a formula seems to come to fruition; each and everyone one seems to have it's own quirky personality and feel to the film, to the script and to the characters, their worlds seem so perfectly imperfected but we wouldn't want them any other way. With each storyline so different, they submerse the viewer scattered with the driest, cleverest of humour crescendoing to a deep and dark moral.

What did I take away from the film? 

I want to be a lobby boy

 

Wednesday 26 March 2014

Her - Best Film Quotes

Both Joaquin Phoenix and Scarlett Johansson's husky voice have got me obsessed.

These are some of the best quotes from the film

"Sometimes I think I have felt everything I'm ever gonna feel. And from here on out, I'm not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I've already felt."
"It's like I'm reading a book... and it's a book I deeply love. But I'm reading it slowly now. So the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite. I can still feel you... and the words of our story... but it's in this endless space between the words that I'm finding myself now. It's a place that's not of the physical world. It's where everything else is that I didn't even know existed. I love you so much. But this is where I am now. And this who I am now. And I need you to let me go. As much as I want to, I can't live your book any more."
"I can feel the fear that you carry around and I wish there was... something I could do to help you let go of it because if you could, I don't think you'd feel so alone anymore."

Her - A Film Review (sort of)

Being a complete film fanatic/anti social hermit has it's pros; there are so many films that people say (clichĂ©-esc-ly) have changed their lives and who they are. To some extent I agree with this, but not so melodramatically.  

The most recent film that has overwhelmed me (and my cat)-


Her - with Joaquin Phoenix 2013




Her (2013) Poster

Theodore falls in love with his intelligent operating system -  on-line dating with the voice of Scarlett Johansson, you'd be mad to say no, surely? 

Joaquin Phoenix has a strange creepy loveable charisma to him, the moustache, the clothes, the voice, the glasses, everything about him screams "seemingly weird but possibly the sweetest man alive". He admittedly reminds me of Kip, the nerdy brother from Napoleon Dynamite, but less weedy and more naively romantic, complete with ukulele playing and lullaby-like singing.

The soundtrack is absolutely beautiful, if you're suffering from a music block, like me, I advice you listen to "Off You" by The Breeders, along with the rest of the film's memorising soundtrack which also features a few tracks from the new Arcade Fire album.

I wish I could personally thank the writer and director of this film, Spike Jonze -  because every single script is quotable, each character's lines is so gorgeously emotive it makes you feel so utterly involved in this raw and real relationship. I can't wait to type out those epiphany evoking words for a separate post, prepare yourself.

I can fully understand why this isn't everybody's cup of tea and I am so glad I watched this on some ambiguous, unsafe streaming website at home as opposed to in a cinema with other people - unless you really enjoy listening to Scarlett Johansson climaxing in the presence of 50 strangers (perhaps you do, each to their own), you might find a few scenes slightly uncomfortable and unconventional, but this part of what made the film so touching. For me, this seemed more of a 'watch-on-your-laptop-with-your-cat-and-maybe-snack-on-some-Ben-and-Jerry's-or-a-banana-if-you're-trying-to-be-healthy' type of film, not really the best thing to watch and attempt understand with you family on the sofa.

This is a very cleverly put together piece of media, perfect if you're into indie (really indie) films that are a bit confusing with no real beginning or defined conclusion. It's face value and aim is not to entertain, it is to provoke and make the audience feel and think and spiral out from their monogamous everyday patterns, with the luxury of an incredible soundtrack. 

The concept is one I am going to be fascinated with for at least the next fortnight, expect many more posts regarding Theodore's 'Letters from your life'.

"Whatever someone you become, wherever you are in the world: I'm sending you love"